STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
