Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
