What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
