just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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