He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I will pee on everything he values.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
