its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
