Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
