yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
