I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
