I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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