You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
