I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
