Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
