The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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