forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
