Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
