Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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