I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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