yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
