it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
