Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
