i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
