You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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