Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize