May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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