Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
