that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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