I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
