He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
