I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
