Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
