and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
