its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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