bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
