Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
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you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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