singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
