I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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