last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
