Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
