marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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