where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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