Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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