He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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