Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
