is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
