so that wasnt chicken after all
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
