I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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