ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize