every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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