i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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