i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
