I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
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He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
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Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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