what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
