she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
