I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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