you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
