i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
