your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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