So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
