Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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