If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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