I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
