Im at strip club and am horny
Barsexuality is the new black.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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