She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
