put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
