I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize