you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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