I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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