I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
