I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
