first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
pray to the hookup gods
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
