Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
