I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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