My cat gives me a boner
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
